@offbeatoliv: Half my family is Catholic, the other half Jewish, so when the tweet contest theme is "guilt" I pretty much have it in the bag.
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@iwearaonesie: She said, "Are you even listening to me? This is important!" I said, "I don't know, pizza?" And that's how the fight started
@Paxochka: I saw a zombie wearing Crocs on The Walking Dead and thought to myself "she totally deserved to die".
@DionneMcNutt: A boy at church was asked if he knew what the resurrection was. "Yes, and if it lasts more than 4 hours you're supposed to see a doctor."