@offbeatoliv: Half my family is Catholic, the other half Jewish, so when the tweet contest theme is "guilt" I pretty much have it in the bag.
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@DanMentos: "So we kill a tree" Ok "And put it inside our house" Nice "Then we hang up some socks" I'm with ya "And then we drink egg milk punch" What
@Instinctivetip: [marriage counselling] Her: he always thinks he's talking to me on CB radio Me: I don't, over Her: It's over Me: It's what? Over
@Squizbot: I would never cheat in a relationship because that would require two people finding me attractive.
@JonasPolsky: James Bond is the type of top secret spy who announces who he is, then shoots everyone and sets off a bomb while doing absolutely no spying.