@LoveNLunchmeat: Half the people who follow me are waiting for the nervous breakdown; the other half follow because they're easily impressed by semicolons.
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@batkaren: HER: What's your cell plan? ME: Bodily decay over decades until inevitable mortal collapse. You? HER: ... ME: ... HER: ... V-Verizon.
@Aman93deep: My sister is holding her baby in one hand and a cup of Starbucks in the other, I'm going to toss her phone at her to see who gets dropped.
@RealCarlHardt: Reminder to any new followers...Ancestry.com is NOT a dating site...lesson learned...like 4 times.