@Hadzilla: Halloween '94: Mom says store sold out of Batman costumes and buys me a Catwoman one. Called me Catman. The worst part: she went as Batman?
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@sarcasm_inc: [a spider watching soccer when someone kicks a ball into the net] hell yeah, now eat it
@DelanieFischer: One of my favorite things about Walmart: the impulse buy is no longer a breathmint, it's an entire rotisserie chicken.
@sixfootcandy: [date] Him: So where are you from? Me: According to my parents, I was born in a barn.