@Brentweets: Halloween combines my 3 least favorite things: Answering the door, giving away food and children.
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@maisonshouting: CUTE DUDE AT THE AUTO SHOP: & thats how u fix a flat tire ME: tysm! My dad never showed me this stuff DUDE: aw M: *whispers* ur my dad now
@suzieQ0007: Did you know Lysol kills 99.9% of germs & my toothpaste has tartar control? You would too if you sat in my bathroom without your phone.
@TheBoydP: Ever smell a permanent marker and accidently color the tip of your nose black? Related: They’re called permanent markers for a reason.
@SteveKoehler22: Just saved a guy from drowning by throwing him a CVS receipt as a lifeline. He also gets 25% off his next rescue.