@rolldiggity: Halloween is my favorite holiday where you can trespass on a stranger's property and make a non-negotiable demand.
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@AnniemuMary: I have 11 pictures of myself from high school. My daughter has 11 pictures of herself from this morning.
@iwearaonesie: wife *resting after surgery* me wife me [holding flowers and a Transformers birthday balloon] They didn't have any that said "Get Well Soon"
@LOVELADONNIS: Woman on the plane just asked her crying son "are you gonna be a gangsta or a crybaby" I'm like damn are these the only options?