@BillDixonish: Halloween is the only day of the year you can ask someone "what are you supposed to be?" without triggering an existential crisis.
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@PencilWalrus: [Job interview] "What would you say is your greatest strength?" "Sticking my fingers in people's mouths." "Arhghv-um-hirv-ok-hrbsj-hired"
@SoulYodeler: Omg I'm so thirsty- *Kool-Aid Man busts through wall* OH YEAHH *Sugar-free zero calorie Kool-Aid Man jiggles door handle* LITTLE HELP HERE
@BadaBinge: There are 7 trillion nerves in the human body and some people manage to get on every one.
@ddsmidt: Meltdowns are what happens when you compartmentalize your thoughts, but forget to label them.