@TattleTSister: Halloween is the perfect time to trick people into believing you aren't really going to use that ice pick you're carrying around.
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@aka_fatman: Me: Hi, officer. I saw you coming up the driveway. Cop: (sadly) Your son has been in an accident. Me: I FLUSHED ALL MY DRUGS FOR THAT?!
@BlindVigil: I'm pretty sure I'm smarter than my cat, but he refuses to take the test. It unnerves me, because that's totally what a genius would do...