@juneohara65: Halloween: The one day I can flap my arms like a bat and nobody asks any questions.
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@arielleBigBlue: Your sign says "NO SHIRT, NO SHOES, NO SERVICE", so it seems highly unfair that you kicked me out for not wearing pants.
@XplodingUnicorn: 4-year-old: Are hot dogs made from real dogs? Me: Would you eat them if they were? 4: No! Me: 4: Unless I had ketchup.
@AnkCoupleTO: I tried hypnotizing my wife but *cluck* I think *cluck cluck* something went wrong is that *cluck cluck cluck* corn on the ground?
@UncleDuke1969: [first date] HER: So, do you have a 5 year plan? ME: Yes. Well, the beginnings of one. HER: How far have you gotten? ME: I’ve decided what I want for dinner.