@JONOCOYOTE: Hand dryers are a great way to see how your hands look while skydiving.
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@lazerdoov: If you're wondering if humans are idiots we hunt ducks with guns when they will walk right up to you if you have bread
@BlakWidowBarbee: My tweets don't get the attention they used to. I've seen more stars after getting my head slammed into the headboard.
@pixelatedboat: You (dumb, hasn't seen Fight Club): If I buy things I'll be happy Me (smart, has seen Fight Club): I'm going to punch someone in a basement
@DownFrontArtist: The secret to success is to surround yourself with people that don't know you.