@ImmorallyFixate: Hand me the Phillips screwdriver, babe. No, the Phillips. NO. Ok look, hand me the thing you stabbed me with on New Year's. Thanks pumpkin!
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@geo_teira: [at a restaurant] Me: uhm. This plate is broken and the food is all spread out. Waiter: yes ma'am, that's the continental drift breakfast.
@ItsAndyRyan: Interviewer: Is it true you are the first duck to be made a duke? Duck: Please address me as 'M'llard'