@PaperWash: [handing out condoms to trick or treaters] give these to your parents, I don't want more of you coming back next year
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@BoogTweets: Me: *violently swinging a stick* these piñatas are getting harder to hit Zip line park owner: Hello 911? He’s back again
@FlyoverJoel: Eye of the Tiger came on the radio and I got so excited the macaroni salad I was making is all over the walls and the cat has a black eye.