@PaperWash: [handing out condoms to trick or treaters] give these to your parents, I don't want more of you coming back next year
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@iGreenMonk: Wish there was a pill I could put in a girl's drink, that would make her do my taxes.
@NathanFillion: Fortune cookie- You will have a successful TV show. Me- How old is this cookie?!
@ANNIEwayyyy: "Sorry, I forgot to pay attention. But yeah, I have no idea where we are now. There definitely shouldn't be cows." ~me giving directions