@Home_Halfway: *Hands the bouncer my ID with a note on it begging him not to let me in because I want to go home but I'm too scared to tell my friends*
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@GeauxSaints79: 911: I'd like to report a Twief! 911: What? A Twurglar! 911: I don't follow You can't catch em like that. Hurry they're getting stars!
@patnelke: My sleeping pills say don't mix with alcohol, but drop it in the glass and it dissolves just fine. Doctors think they know everything.
@nikkithecanuck: People. If I say I love a certain food PLEASE do not show me a picture of that animal in it’s live adorable form. This is why I can’t eat scallops or puppies anymore.