@Home_Halfway: *Hands the bouncer my ID with a note on it begging him not to let me in because I want to go home but I'm too scared to tell my friends*
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@just1fool: Someday I'm gonna open a pawn shop and blow everyone's mind when I only sell rooks, bishops and knights.
@dreadnaught69: She thinks I drink all day when she's at work. I don't... I stop just before she gets home
@TheDreamGhoul: saying monkeys r ur favorite animal is basically saying u like a shorter, hairier version of urself who can only communicate by screaming