@brennadine: Hang on guys. My boyfriend told me not to be anxious, so I expect to feel better any moment.
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@rachelmillman: if you ever want to witness an Oscar worthy performance, ask any person from twitter their follower count and watch them pretend to not know
@yonewt: God I'm so stupid I was looking all over for my car keys, turns out they were on my head the entire time.
@LurkAtHomeMom: Toddler: *crying bc it isn't her turn with the princess crown* Me: Sweetie, you need to share Husband: Just give her the crown, you're 35
@hippieswordfish: [police chase] FRIEND: ditch the stolen stuff ME: are u sure F: just do it M: *throws out stolen anchor and car comes to a screeching halt*