@brennadine: Hang on guys. My boyfriend told me not to be anxious, so I expect to feel better any moment.
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@envydatropic: My doctor prescribed a med that has "weight loss" as a side effect......I've never wanted to overdose so much in my life!
@dafloydsta: [marriage counseling] He barely knows who I am anymore "That's not true, Karen" LINDA, MY NAME IS LINDA
@tastefactory: *watching horror movie where young couple moves into new house & scary things happen* This is unrealistic they could never afford this house
@LostAtCollege: Emailing professors be like Me: *polite greeting, multiple paragraphs, perfect grammar* Professor: “sure” -sent from my iPhone