@3sunzzz: Hang up weed instead of mistletoe, then every time you stand under it you can have a snack.
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@AsgardianRose: Happy one month anniversary to whatever is inside that Tupperware bowl in the back of the fridge!
@Try2StopME: I wrote to the Bank: "My Cheque was returned with remark 'Insufficient funds'. I want to know whether it refers to mine or the Bank?"
@XplodingUnicorn: Wife: My mom is watching our kids for the night. Me: Oh, baby. Do you know what we can do? *falls asleep at 7 p.m.*