@weismanjake: Hangman is a weird game to let kids play. Hey kid, if you don't think of this word, a random man will be put to death.
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@max_pad21: I failed my Driver's test. Driving teacher: "What do you do at a red light?" Me: "I usually respond to texts and check my Twitter."
@ericonederful: I was on a date and my credit card got declined. Her credit card got declined too. Then I knew I was in love.