@weismanjake: Hangman is a weird game to let kids play. Hey kid, if you don't think of this word, a random man will be put to death.
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@buhsbaby_baby: Relationship Status: just tried to reach for my dog's paw and he pulled it away so I pretended I was reaching for the remote.
@djdarrellripley: Doctor: You need a kidney transplant. Me: A transplant? Dr: Don't worry, I've never lost a patient. I know where each one is buried. Me:
@Storminika: I win arguments with cab drivers by getting out of the cab and leaving the door open.