@slimmy_shady: Hangover status: playing duct, duct, tape with the kids.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@RhinoUR: Buys valentine. Writes "I love you" inside. Mails card to self. Receives card in mail. Reads card. "Eww, why do I attract losers?"
@KalvinMacleod: [pet store] COP: someone's been stealing puppies OWNER: OMG now I’m missing another one ME: who would do such a thing *shirt starts barking*
@Not_a_JesusGirl: Playboy has started a new edition for married men with the same women featuring every month.