@daplusk: Hangovers: Where the spirits you drink the night before haunt you the next day.
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@Tommytoughstuff: [High school reunion] Hey guys! Remember me!? "No" How about now? *puts an entire toilet on my head* (in unison) CHRIS!
@KevinFarzad: The earth moves 1.6 million miles per day. So no I didn't just "lay in bed and watch TV all day" I traveled very far thank u
@Donnie_Fairburn: [Phone with Mom] "Did you just friend request me?" I'm on fb now "I'm not adding you" Fine do your own laundry then *accepts friend request*
@TitaniumToplass: use words like 'perpendicular' when you language at people so they think you is good with vocabularying