@OhNoSheTwitnt: Happy 18th birthday, millennium! Now that you’re an adult, please stop acting like an angsty teen and lashing out at us like we’re your parents.
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@MelKassel: *pulling up to toll both with megaphone in hand* Booth operator: ma'am please not again Me: someBODY once tolled me—
@Darlainky: My lunch consisted of taste-testing 30 opened bags of chips in the pantry for freshness.
@mrjohndarby: her: the car isnt working. you need to do something about it me: sure *to car* GET A JOB YOU LAZY CAR her: i meant a mechanic me: i really dont care what job
@Cheeseboy22: We can't afford to take our kids to a corn maze this year so we're going to take them to an IKEA instead.