@dumbbeezie: No more questions until my mom gets here -Me to HR

@caliluvgirl77: him: I'm so sick of you just agreeing with everything I say me: same

@QwertyJones3: Me: You bought 6 bottles of carpet cleaning solution? Wife: Yes. Me: We have hard wood floors. Wife: I had a coupon that was expiring today!

@2tickytacky: If your date asks what you do for a living, just say "You let me worry about that."

@Fred_Delicious: "tell me doc, is it bad news?" "you've got piles" ... "piles of health that is! LOL" ... "except in your legs. gonna have to amputate those"