@clindsaysway: We got a tornado warning, and I'm too scared to open my windows. Don't want any sharks in my house.
@leechee420: Listen google, it's 2015. I need you to figure out who I'm talking about when I type "that one guy in that movie I didn't like."
@mommywhitfield: I just want to be half as productive as my mom thinks she would be if she was me.
@3sunzzz: Teacher: Bob, how do you make a nail plural?
Dumb Bob: You add S.
T: *amazed* Yes! Come up to the board and show us.
DB: [writes] SNAIL
@Ideal_Victoria: Date: “I’m falling in love with you”
Me: *rearranges french fries in plate to read, “we should see other people”
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