@stockejock: Happy birthday to rapper Pitbull who is 34 today, or 238 in dog years for all the other Pitbulls.
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@LurkAtHomeMom: I just don't get life insurance. Why would I want to give my family a financial incentive to kill me?
@KeetPotato: [tortoise arguing with his gf] "FINE IM LEAVING" FINE [6 minutes later] are you going or not? "THIS IS AS FAST AS I CAN GO KAREN"
@briangaar: Sometimes I'm playing a dangerous game like Halo & people ask if I get scared but honestly no, your training just takes over
@bibbymoynihan: If you ever see me in a restaurant, please approach my table and do your Drunk Uncle impression. Especially if I'm with family or a girl.