@atDevin: Happy Let's-Pretend-This-Relationship-Is-Still-Working Day
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@dorkwing_duck: [PRESS CONFERENCE] Me: I'm going on the record. Yes, I'd go back in time to kill a baby Reporter: you mean Baby Hitler? Me: sure, whoever
@ericsshadow: [guy who just got out of prison on a technicality] "what were you in for?" murder, a guy... a guy... "spit it out man" a guy, interrupted me
@Eightinchgoat: I wonder which lie came first: "Oops, wrong hole!" or "That's never happened before!"?
@SteveSuckington: National product once got caught picking his nose and eating it thus forever being known as gross national product.