@atDevin: Happy Let's-Pretend-This-Relationship-Is-Still-Working Day
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@Sean_Burgundy_: Imagine how much faster Olympic sprinters could run if they saw their wives going through their phones at the finish line
@JuliaEveHays: Hey, Morgan Freeman. Donating $1M to Obama's campaign isn't going to make him get older faster so you can play him in the movie.
@LoverOfComics94: How to be a politician: 1. Tell people what you're going to do 2. Don't do it 3. Change the subject.
@LaLuchaNix: I just watched Grease and it makes me sad how kids today are too lazy to buy matching leather jackets and smoke cigarettes.