@karencheee: Happy that I paid $ for a gym membership to exercise the little neuron in my brain that argues whether I should go to the gym every day
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@Spaced_Cowboy00: A nice looking girl waved at me earlier today but there was no way I was swimming out that far to save her.
@ceejoyner: Throw a baby badger so high that when it lands on your enemy it's fully grown and very upset. You left town years ago. The perfect crime.
@iwearaonesie: i'll never forget what mom said when dad told her he thinks we're growing up too fast "they're in there daring each other to eat dog food"
@Kalarlis: When the cashier asks for my signature, I just write "HELP ME" while maintaining eye contact