@TheHyyyype: Hard to believe the Cubs last won the World Series 108 years ago. Most of them don't look a day over 30.
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@CornOnTheGoblin: Hello 911? I was doing that thing where you pretend to walk down stairs behind a couch only it worked. I have no idea where I am. Help me.
@INDlAN_: If you think it hurts to lose a boyfriend/girlfriend, you've clearly never lost close to 500 GB's worth of data on your hard drive.
@rockymomax: BAILIFF: do you swear to tell the whole truth and nothing but the ME: no JUDGE: [flipping through law handbook] what do we do if he says no?