@tat2dsoccermom: Hardcore Ramen: drink boiling water, swallow dried noodle block, snort flavor packet.
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@TwinSurvivalist: After significant research, I can confirm that toddlers will not go away if you ignore them.
@jimmytorosian: Pretty arrogant of Red Delicious Apples to put "delicious" in their name. Like calm down. You're still just an apple. You ain't no prize.
@CaptainJerkwad: Went to a restaurant. The sign said "breakfast anytime." So I ordered French toast during the renaissance
@dreamthievin: I get out of awkward dinner party convos by telling people it's my first outing since the psychiatrist declared me unfit to stand trial