@HogwartsLogics: Harry wasn't chosen for Ravenclaw because he tried to catch the Hogwarts letters from the air instead of taking one from the floor.
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@ehdannyboy: "Dad why was I called Holly?" cos u were born at a special time of year "And me dad?" yes Summer and u too "And me too dad?" yes Easter-Egg
@AndyAsAdjective: I've spent the better part of my day trying to figure out why "mustache" & "headache" don't rhyme.
@chewlongkok_: [On phone to police] Has there been a report of a pervert in the park? P: No, there hasn't. Me: oh good. [Goes back to hiding in bushes]
@imdaintyaf: I don't want anti-wrinkle cream, I want a serum that bestows wrinkles upon my enemies.