@alien_sushi: Has anybody seen my keys? theyre awesome.
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@TuffyNyC: What's up with all these idiots on TV trying to talk to ghosts? I don't even wanna talk to the living.
@FrankTheDoorman: 97% of scientists believe climate change is man-made and causes rising sea levels of oceans. The other 3% believe Frank Ocean is an ocean.
@david8hughes: [baby wakes up in the middle night] "Go back to sleep, hun. I'll sort it out." [puts baby on eBay]