@njlitigator: Has anybody tried unplugging Congress and then plugging it back in??
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@JGrumbie: Fully clothed mom just waded into the pool to grab her devil spawn child that was ignoring her. She's my new favorite.
@pleatedjeans: [Batman in tears] Catwoman left me Oh no what happened?! I left the door open and she just bolted
@SteveSuckington: "Why did u jump off that bridge?" My friend did it too "Well if your friend jumped off a bridge would u?" Yes. I literally just said that
@cjwerleman: I think the only thing Fox News hasn't yet accused Michael Brown of is stealing Darren Wilson's bullets. #ferguson