@njlitigator: Has anybody tried unplugging Congress and then plugging it back in??
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@OhNoSheTwitnt: Palin: I'm seriously considering a presidential run. Reporter: Do you even know what the word seriously means? Palin: Don't refudiate me.
@MaiPareshaan: This one time I swallowed a gum and my mom told me that "it stays in your system forever," so I swallowed a table to stick it under it.
@handsock_butts: Me: I didn't get anything this year. Do you think Santa's magic...is running out? Wife: Santa isn't real Me: Don't lie to save my feelings