@rachelle_mandik: has anyone fixed the sound barrier yet
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@truegritrumble: ME:WHY ARE YOU LEAVING ME? EVERYBODY LEAVES ME! UBER DRIVER:This is where you wanted to be dropped off, right? ME:*wiping away a tear* Yes.
@Vodkantots: People who are genuinely surprised when politicians behave badly should be forced to wear helmets for their own protection.
@StatusInBeirut: Dear media: There's nothing shocking about celebrities going topless, getting drunk, or falling over. nnLet me know when they read a book.