@DannyZuker: "Hashtag." #ReplaceAOneWordMovieTitleWithTheWordHashtag
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@Marcisgoinham: Some nights I stare at the stars wondering if you can see the same ones Then I realize, of course you can, I'm in your backyard
@brittwastaken: Soccer mom:Is that apple organic? Me:No idea. SM: I hope you know the pesticides they spray on those will kill you. Me:*slowly licks apple*
@MrSandeepP: Apparently you're not supposed to tell "That's what she said jokes" during the Board meeting because it's "inappropriate"
@LionJenkins: [First day at New Job] New Boss: When in Rome do as the Romans you know? <Slaughters entire office and imposes grain taxes on peasantry>