@DannyZuker: "Hashtag." #ReplaceAOneWordMovieTitleWithTheWordHashtag
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@tastefactory: [on plane] Me: It's ok, more ppl are killed by hippos than by plane crashes Pilot: This is your captain speaking, I'm a hippo btw Me: Nooooo
@QwertyJones3: [speed dating] I enjoy gardening. I've got a bit of a green thumb. Actually several of my fingers are discolored. I think I have diabetes.
@LackOfShame: H: Gross! Stop peeing in the shower! Me: Why? Everybody pees in the shower. H: Yeah but you're not in it right now, I am.