@brunopieroni: Hate flying? Try American Airlines. They do too.
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@iamburtjarvis: [starbucks] me: can i take some wifi home with me? barista: um. sure(?) me: [holds tupperware container in the air & closes lid] thanks.
@Lunatic_times: I cut my finger on a beer can, I now know how Julius Caesar felt when he was betrayed by his best friend.
@LindseyEllison2: If I ever go to prison I will immediately go up to the biggest person and tickle them.