@BruceForce: Hate it when a mum automatically assumes their baby is hungry when they cry. Maybe they're crying for a stable economy. YOU DON'T KNOW!
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@OnlyFastEddie: I stick pins and needles in the people I don't like because can't afford voodoo dolls.
@petemandik: [touching face upon receiving compliment] Glad you like it. But, it's not a teardrop tattoo. It's an Oxford comma.
@Tuna_Lover: I caught two teens smoking pot behind my office. Ten minutes later, my boss caught two teens and myself smoking pot behind my office.
@bridger_w: At my funeral, I'd like my family, my closest friends, and a high-pitched squeal no one can locate the source of