@dshack8: Hate it when I'm at a hotel & the maid leaves her cart unattended & the only thing I can grab before getting caught is 3 dozen shower caps.
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@abbycohenwl: [god on LSD creating Donald Trump What if a car alarm that constantly goes off for no reason were a person?
@LurkAtHomeMom: *Mary Poppins voice* Ok, children! Time to go! [15 min later] *Batman voice* I said let's go.
@PaperFury: All I'm saying is that 95% of the reason we want libraries with ladders is so we can run up, jump on the ladder, and slide majestically down rows of books with our cloaks fluttering behind us.
@batkaren: "Welcome, Karen, to Pants On Fire!" the game show host says. "Excited to be here!" I tell him. The host eyes me. "Are you?" My forced smile starts to break. Sweat beads drip down my face, and I swallow hard. "Light up her pants, guys," the host orders.