@Skullcat: Hate to brag, but a cute fireman gave me his number today. It's only 3 digits & he said it's only for emergencies, but I know what he meant
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@007Pepe_Rex: When you're in the voting booth this fall, remember that Abe Lincoln didn't slay all those vampires so that Trump could become President.
@jwoodham: Leonardo DiCaprio is totally getting laid tonight! This has nothing to do with the Oscar, just a safe assumption to make each and every day.
@tastefactory: *ring ring* Hello? "If u want to see ur son again give me $500,000" OH GOD PLEASE DONT HURT HIM "I won't if u-" Haha gotcha, leave a message