@JimGaffigan: Hate weight limit signs in the elevator. Then I’m put in the awkward position of telling some pregnant woman she has to take the stairs.
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@bingowings14: My mum tells me that she turns the internet off when she goes to bed, incase you're wondering why your screen just went blank.
@samalmightysam: -I love you! -Me too! -You too what? -What you said -What did I say? -That -Say it -What? -I want u to say it -Well -and? -what? -Say it -it
@DaddyNick: Block the toddler from the kitchen while I sweep left, handoff the baby, pass you a bottle and take a shower. On 2. Go! Football parenting