@JimGaffigan: Hate weight limit signs in the elevator. Then I’m put in the awkward position of telling some pregnant woman she has to take the stairs.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@Sal0630: Girlfriend: Did you fix the dishwasher? Me: Yup *girlfriend opens dishwasher revealing a monkey covered in bubbles, holding a scrub brush*
@joerogan: This country has a mental health problem disguised as a gun problem and a tyranny problem disguised as a security problem.
@kamweru_: Saw a guy steal a car using a hanger so I did what any normal person would do, walked up to him & asked "You that guy from Grand Theft Auto?
@lilpwoppa: As a northerner who has moved to Essex, I'm fucking disgusted it's snowing. I moved to a tropical place for a reason.