@astutenewf: Hate when my GF asks me to hold her purse at the grocery store line cause I really don't like being that guy holding two purses.
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@BlindChow: "Daddy, there's a mime under the bed!" That's ridiculous, why would you think that? "Listen!" *complete silence* OH DEAR GOD RUN
@SardonicTart: "Act your age!" I yell at my 11 year-old daughter as I put on my Captain America t-shirt.
@XplodingUnicorn: When my wife does our daughter's hair: "How about a double French braid swirled into a fancy bun?" When I do her hair: "How about a hat?"