@astutenewf: Hate when my GF asks me to hold her purse at the grocery store line cause I really don't like being that guy holding two purses.
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@gerryhallcomedy: Women have a good 6th sense. I smiled at a girl in the mall once. When I got home I opened the door and my wife met me with a drop kick.
@iwearaonesie: If I had known I could hurt myself just by sneezing I wouldn't have been in such a hurry to grow up
@cbdoubleu: Well, I've got to hand it to you. -Guy explaining how the baton works in a relay race.