@astutenewf: Hate when my GF asks me to hold her purse at the grocery store line cause I really don't like being that guy holding two purses.
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@Sickayduh: Me: Did you know that a woman's voice gets higher when she's attracted to a man? Her: *batman voice* I have a boyfriend
@chuchugoogoo: "Read 'em and weep" I say as I lay down my hand: a collection of my grandparent's handwritten love letters from WWII.
@IamEnidColeslaw: at my high school reunion everyone kept asking where my date was so I finally told them my dog ate him. no one laughed