@Jubafisher: Haters gonna hate, alligators gonna alligate
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@Sarcasticsapien: I think first dates should just be writing down the bad stuff from your past and sliding it across the table like you're making an offer.
@LeftAtLondon: Alternate universe where all appearances of the word “lil” in rappers names have to be replaced with the word “teensy weensy”
@Swishergirl24: If I tell you I can't text you because I'm driving it's only because I'm also eating.
@aparnapkin: I realized taking dogs for walks is basically their way of checking social media. One lap of smells is a newsfeed scroll. Peeing is posting.