@ScottLinnen: Have a friend who takes pics of her food and then goes to the restroom to delete them all. Instagramorexia Nervosa.
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@StellaGMaddox: I grounded my kid from electronics for a week and now he won't stop talking to me and I think I've made a horrible mistake.
@danorslim: Me: You wanna have sex tonight? GF: I'm not in the mood babe. Me: Hold on a second. I'm on the phone.
@PaperWash: The Bible is so unrealistic, Noah's wife would have never allowed two spiders on that boat.
@ericONEderful: If you are going to call the cops every time you spot me in your bushes I don't think this relationship is going to work.