@gringothespice: Have been woken up with the hangover from hell by the sound of my neighbour's lawn mower. He'll just have to mow around me, I'm not moving.
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@AbbyHasIssues: How to clean a plastic shower curtain liner: Step 1: Throw it away and buy a new one for $5 at Target.
@Vodkantots: If a guy doesn't return your texts for 4 months, it might be over. It probably isn't, but it might be.
@0point5twins: In phone books, "assisted living" is next to "assassin", so be more careful than I was, hiring someone to 'take care of grandma'.