@JamieLinks: Have decided Twitter is like a good grandma. Makes dirty jokes, complains a lot, corrects your grammar, tells you who has died.
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@ojedge: Che: "Why do you want to participate in this guerrilla war?" Me: [picturing myself leading an army of gorillas into battle] "Independence."
@JaneBadall: If I was an alcoholic, I'd stash all my booze in the laundry basket because apparently I'm the only person in my house who knows it exists.
@dshack8: Coworker: Do u have a phone charger? Me: No. CW: How about the 1 on your desk? Me: WHO ARE U CALLING A JIGGABOO LINDA?! CW: OMG! *runs away*
@LurkAtHomeMom: 6yo: please please please??? Me: fine. Just give me 5 minutes. [40 minutes later] 6yo: has it been 5 minutes? Me: no.