@KKAlThani: Have Egyptians tried unplugging and plugging Egypt?
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@laurenreeves: My sister asked if I stole her cream sweater. Uh, yeah. Who else would've stolen it? You think a burglar broke in and was like "Cute top!"
@bea_ker: [with father in law] "You know how to pluck a goose, son?" Er yes sir, sure do *stretches goose's neck and plays it like a double bass*
@TwoSapphiresBlu: Daughter: Why don't kids at school get my sarcastic humor? Me: Because they have boring parents, darling.