@JustinGuarini: Have you ever accidentally ended a business call with "I love you?" Oh yeah me neither.
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@RobWeb79: Work said I was going to do a drug test today. So far I haven't tested any drugs, but this weird guy asked me to urinate in a cup.
@Lisa_Laughs_: fortune cookie- You will not die alone but with many many cat... cat: LOL THAT'S SO YOU!
@CornOnTheGoblin: ? Hey there Delilah, can we handle this discreetly My stomach reacted badly after eating old zucchini ? and I just pooooed ?
@psybermonkey: [Getting chased by cops after heist] Me: Damn, I can't shake 'em. It's like they're one step ahead of us. Partner: STOP USING YOUR BLINKER