@TheCamelToe_: Have you ever noticed women say men only have one thing on their mind? Yet women constantly ask us what we're thinking.
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@TheMichaelRock: I have been reporting moms on Facebook who brag about how perfect their lives are as fake news.
@KentWGraham: Given their destructive force to homes, kids’ birthday parties should get names like hurricanes do. Birthday Party Hugo.
@RtrJan: I'd like to take a moment to thank everyone who took time out of her or his busy schedule to tell me, "omg you look like hell."
@carlyken: *Walks into school* Simon says give me your Pokemon cards Ok now close your eyes *Walks out* Kids are so dumb I didn't even say Simon says