@MattElGato: Have you found Jesus? No? Me neither. I think we lost him near the border. God, I hope he's ok. He had like all the cocaine with him.
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@ShitJokes: On a ladder putting a cinema poster up. Lady said "Is King Kong Coming?" I said "No it’s just the paste off my brush"
@flaskofwhiskeyy: Whoever said "out of sight, out of mind" has never had a spider disappear in their bedroom.
@davedittell: can't believe Jesus was born on Christmas and died on Easter, what are the odds? still, he accomplished a lot for a four month year old.