@brendohare: DATE TIP: Hold doors. Pull the chair out for your date. Burp your date. Change your date oh god you are on a date with a baby ok stay cool
@markydoodoo: *flushes the urinal for the guy next to me* pay it forward, bro.
@rockymomax: [Jesus entering surf contest]
Judge: What type of board will you be riding?
Jesus: [looks at feet]
They're using boards?
@sweet_toof: With a stolen credit card, who WOULDN'T go straight to Wendy's to get 2 Double Stacks and a small Sprite? So thanks for asking for ID, lady.
@AaronFullerton: Doctor: "I'm sorry, sir, but you have an STD. I suggest you make a list of all your partners--"
Lou Bega: "Way ahead of you."
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