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@PrincessAlexx_: Have you guys ever seen any of my exes?
@putopao: Thank you, Internet.
@fro_vo: Me: trump keeps obfuscating the truth
Wife: i see you learned a new word
Me: i obfuscately did
Me: what are we obfuscating for dinner
@daemonic3: What idiot called it "insomnia" and not "resisting a rest"?
@captainkalvis: CUSTOMER: id like buy a turtle, please
CUSTOMER: and make it quick
ME: *grabbing him by the collar* DO I LOOK LIKE GOD TO YOU
@DaddyJew: *sees gf upset*
Me: she looks mad, I should say something
Brain: lol tell her she's overreacting