@RorynotRoy: "Have you tried sleeping? Okay. And you've had enough burritos lately? Hmm. Well, this is puzzling." - me as a doctor
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@Abusitron: Sales clerk: That handbag is very pleasing to the eye. Customer: Really? I don't like it. Giant Disembodied Eye: YOU REALLY SHOULD BUY IT
@Swain_Train47: My favorite thing to do in cities is walk down busy sidewalks, pass by people, and say into my phone "Target is on the move.”
@TheRolo: [Walking around the office] *Sees nosepicker* *Hears burper* *Smells gas* Boss: What are you doing? Calculating the..."Gross Margin."