@themessednest: Have your children help with daily chores if you want them to gain confidence and self efficacy also if want to accomplish nothing and go clinically insane.
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@toomanycommas3: Married men on Twitter: I love my wife, but she has no sex drive. Married women on Twitter: I have a huge sex drive, just don't tell my husband.
@envydatropic: I don't care what bathroom you identify with. If you look under the stall you're going to need a dentist.
@WheelTod: Me: “I just want a girl who likes Star Wars as much as me.” Hot girl: “I like Star Wars” Me: “Oh yeah? Name all 3 security guards I blew to get my own private tour of the Starship Enterprise!”
@NikiWithIssues: Liam Neeson is like Super Mario who keeps saving a chick who keeps getting kidnapped but instead of mushrooms he's really into phone calls.