@BevisSimpson: Havent picked sides in Gamer gate yet.. which do I like more.. the entire female gender or the thing where I pretend to kill people on Tv..
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@Thynebear: [first date at a chinese restaurant] "So are you more of a dog or a cat person?" *reading menu* I was thinking orange chicken but you do you
@iheartgunts: I'm actually kind of handsome when you're drunk and the light is low and there's no other dudes around and you have low standards.
@thatdutchperson: Clerk: Why do you need 200 condoms? Me: I have a beard and an accent. *winks* *Spends night making balloon animals
@KrunkedRobot: My email password has been hacked. That's the third time I've had to rename the cat.