@tropicalenvy: Some people are just better left alone. In a jacket, in a room with padded walls.

@bobvulfov: [posing nude] ME: make sure to capture all of my body's contours DMV GUY: again, this is entirely inappropriate for a license photo

@Steelers1972: Three things that are certain in life~ 1) Death 2) Paying taxes 3) Somewhere a woman is pissed at a man ....

@Alex_LaVallee: You guys know monogamy is NOT a type of wood, right?!?

@bourgeoisalien: The number one cause of depression in people over 30 is hearing co-workers resentfully sing, "Happy Birthday" just to get cake.