@byrdie_num_num: Haven't worn a watch in 20+ years. Coincidentally, I haven't poured my drink on the floor when asked for the time in 20+ years.
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@TheTweetOfGod: Journalists love covering Lindsay Lohan because what she is to actresses, they are to professions.
@JennyJohnsonHi5: The new neighbors moved in today. I brought them a box of condoms to show how much I don't want anymore children living on our street.
@Bob_Janke: Please stop adding noises to your songs that sound like maybe something is wrong with my car.