@byrdie_num_num: Haven't worn a watch in 20+ years. Coincidentally, I haven't poured my drink on the floor when asked for the time in 20+ years.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@lazerdoov: "Be cool, it's the cops" I said to my 3 cats I dressed up like robbers as my other 3 cats came out of the kitchen dressed like policemen
@bees_wingz: Just removed my bra, whipped it around my head, and tried to toss it away, but a hook got caught in my hair. Available for bachelor parties.
@Leslie_Annie: My 4 yr old came in my room last night at 3am. I asked him what was wrong and he said "how many eyebrows do I have?"
@MichaelTrying: Top 3 screwdrivers: 1. Tool for turning screws 2. Vodka and orange juice 3. Method of Uber payment