@BatBatshitcrazy: Having a large vocabulary may not make you intelligent, but it really can help you bullshit your way through just about anything
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@ItsSamG: My dog will literally sneeze in my face, but if I dare sneeze in the same room as him, he looks at me like I’ve offended him and 4 generations of his ancestors
@MarkAgee: If I win Powerball, I'm having at least six of you killed. Four of you know who you are. I think the other two will be very surprised.
@jaboukie: i can’t believe my little brother is a father we used to have to hide beans in the higher up cabinets so he wouldn’t shove them up his nose
@iheartgunts: I'm actually kind of handsome when you're drunk and the light is low and there's no other dudes around and you have low standards.